Blooming in the Unseen Corner
by Black Mantha
Summary: What might have been going on since episode 12, but was never seen. Utena unloads what she has been feeling.


**Blooming in the unseen corner**

This is what happened. Accurately told, but from an outsider's perspective. Picture it in your mind.

Utena is walking down the top steps at the Duelling Arena. Her school uniform is cut in various places and some of her fringe is scorched. Nevertheless, she looks very happy. She might be skipping if the stairs were any less dangerous. About a third down, something surprises her and she stops in thought. She's motionless for a few seconds, and then a beautiful smile appears on her face, made all the lovelier by the anxiousness mixed into it. She continues down the staircase, but she doesn't get five whole steps before she stops dead in her tracks.

Whatever hit her, it hit her hard. Her smile vanishes and is replaced by a look of utter frustration. She sits down and hides her face in her hands. She remains perfectly still for a minute and then resumes her walk down. It's hard to accurately convey the look she now has on her face. The frustration is still there, probably, but buried deeper. There is definitely pain there, but she has it under control and it's secondary to the determination.

As she's walking her face becomes less and less expressive, and by the time she reaches the gates she's wearing a reasonable poker face. Then she sees Anthy. "Himemiya..."

"I've been waiting for you, Miss Utena. I am the Rose Bride. From this day forward..." "Himemiya, never mind that," she interrupts.

"Come on, let's just go home." She looks at her fondly, both warmer and sadder than you'd expect.

---

A few weeks later, she had this conversation:

"Hey. It's been awhile." She looked a lot more vulnerable than usual. Not uncertain or afraid, just tired and a bit hurt. He'd seen her much worse but that was a long time ago.

Indeed is has. I thought you had grown beyond needing my help.

"I have. But I need to talk to someone."

Normally you'd go to one of your friends.

"It's Rose Bride stuff, and I can't tell Himemiya about it."

He waited patiently for her to gather her courage to begin. For Utena's doing, it took a long time. She's usually very direct.

"I'm in love with her, you know." She paused. "I love her and I can't tell her."

If you're hiding your feelings out of fear what she might say...

"No, that's not it." Utena interrupted. "If it was just that I'd take my chances and tell her. And I'm sure she'd say yes, anyway."

That surprised him. That last line wasn't like Utena to say.

Then what troubles you? You don't fear what others say.

"She'd say yes. I know that for sure, and that's the problem." Her voice was getting choked. "She is my Rose Bride, and she'd say yes even if she wouldn't want to. She'd tell me she loves me and hold me and kiss me and then I'd find out it was only because of those bloody rules."

She took a few seconds to compose herself, and added silently: "I don't want that."

She might notice herself. The two of you live together after all.

"Yes, and it's both tiresome and pleasant. I enjoy every second I have with her, but I have to watch myself. If she found out, it would be the same as if I told her."

You had to feel sorry for her. Of course, teenage romance is were people find out how much it can hurt, but this was a lot more complicated than most have to deal with. Seems there are no easy rides for a Prince.

So if she comes to you?

"I won't let her until she's free. She says what I want to hear." Then she burst out angry: "I can't even trust what she says she feels, dammit! And she's my friend." She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "It has happened before, you know, back when I wanted her to give up being the Rose Bride."

Tell me about it.

"I started thinking about what Saionji might have done to her during his engagement to her. What he or Kiryuu might do if they ever got her again. It was sickening, and I wanted to get her out. I told her that I wanted her to stop blindly doing whatever the Victor wanted. Ironic, I know."

"I got her to try and make some friends, and introduced her to Wakaba. Then Kiryuu took her from me, and she just closed up again. Said she wanted to remain the Rose Bride. Said she didn't want a friend. That hurt terribly. I almost gave up on myself. If that would happen again with this... Well, I won't let it. Even if she does come to me, it might just be her trying to please her Victor and I couldn't risk doing that to her."

"So this is why I must keep winning and finish all the duels. I want this all to end, especially her part in it."

So you want to free her so that she can say that she loves you?

"No. So that she can say IF she loves me."

You have indeed grown beyond my tutelage.

"I guess so. Our only meeting wasn't long, so your example got me only so far."

What will you do if she doesn't love you?

"... Be hurt." She started to move away. "But even if the two of us will forever be torn apart, I swear that I will change her world."

* * *

**Author Notes**

I, for one, believed Utena when she said she wanted a groom, not a bride. And now this is my first fanfic(let). The concept just popped in my mind and it grew over time until I felt I had to put it on paper (so to speak).  
I did a few experiments with style here. I'm anxious for reviews on if it's any good.


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